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Food for Thought Friday: watching my husband cook 👀 lesson #1
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Hello friend (and welcome new subscribers)!
Last year I had the biggest change ever in my cooking life (and regular life, LOL)… I transitioned from cooking for one to cooking for two (ie, my husband and I started living together)!
I had been eagerly anticipating this change for a long time before it happened. In the past five years that I’ve been teaching cooking, I’ve talked to many people about their cooking struggles, and the challenges of cooking for someone else have always come up: what to do when partners prefer different foods, or have very different levels of interest in cooking, or different values around food, different eating schedules, etc. Regardless of whether you're cooking for a partner, parent, roommate, or child, it seems obvious that no two people want to cook or eat EXACTLY the same foods all the time, and everyone comes to the table with their own habits, tastes, background, beliefs and preferences!
I had always been fascinated listening to folks share these struggles, and always wondered what my experience would be like someday! Well, it turned out to be even MORE interesting that I had imagined, with many lessons to be learned - for me, and hopefully for you! The most surprising things I’ve learned since living with my husband have been about myself. There’s nothing like witnessing someone else’s food habits up close to bring your own into much clearer focus! And from a cooking teacher perspective, I have learned a lot about things I do automatically in the kitchen by observing things he does not do automatically. 🤣 (This is the learning I'm hoping will most benefit YOU!)
Today I’ll start with one small story, which comes with an intuitive cooking lesson and some hot tips, of course!
Before we get to the story, here's some quick food/cooking background on the two of us:
I, Jess, come from a totally food-obsessed family. Growing up, my mom cooked all our meals from scratch, and my dad cooked often as well. Our lives essentially revolve around “the next meal” and we show love by cooking for each other. We know almost no limit on the amount of time and effort we will put into a meal. We cook for health reasons also, but mainly because we just love to eat. Thus, love of food is ingrained in me, and obviously now I teach and write about cooking so, I'm thinking about it non-stop.
My husband would not describe himself as a foodie (although obviously he's becoming more of one bc he has no choice, being with me! Only sort of kidding 🤣). He enjoys a good meal, especially a homemade one, especially a Pakistani one (that’s where he grew up). He grew up with home-cooked meals as well, and views cooking as a necessary part of life. Luckily for me, our health values are well-aligned; he already ate salads before I met him (PHEW!), shopped periodically at Whole Foods, cooked for himself, and can even make his own yogurt (South Asian/immigrant food traditions for the win!). From my observations, his cooking tendencies stem more from necessity than enjoying it - which is totally fine, whatever gets you cooking, though it's definitely a difference between us.
I always assumed that I would do most of the cooking in any relationship I entered into, because I love it, I’m good at it, I already have systems around it, and of course my most favorite thing is to cook for people I love! That proved to be true for us, although after our first month or two living together (during which I was in ALL OUT IMPRESS mode, making intricate meals every night and doing ALL the food-related tasks…) we realized it did not feel balanced and I needed to relinquish some control and let him help me more. Among other things (helping with shopping, unloading the dishwasher, etc), he occasionally started making a new recipe for dinner...
SO... one day I was putzing around the internet and came across two shrimp recipes that I thought looked tasty. We had just bought some small shrimps, and he was on deck to make dinner that night. After glancing at the ingredient lists and realizing we had everything, I sent him both recipes, suggesting he pick one.
That evening I was in and out of the kitchen as he started cooking a shrimp curry. The first thing I noticed was that everything - including veggies and shrimp - were in the cold pot together as he turned on the heat underneath. Hmm… seemed strange to me (usually there's some sauteeing first) but I didn’t say anything… I was trying hard not to nitpick every move he made in the kitchen as I had quickly learned this was NOT a strategy for success (relationship lessons 101, lol 😬).
About 20 minutes later, I came back and noticed that the very small shrimps were getting BLASTED by aggressive bubbles and steam as the curry BOILED AWAY at high speed. “What are you doing!?!?! You’re BLASTING the shrimp!” I exclaimed.
“What?!” he retorted, “I’m just following the recipe!”
Not super proud to admit… I then checked the recipe to see if he was following it correctly. 🤣
Upon reviewing it and verifying that he was, I realized:
Oh… right. I had just assumed that regardless of what the recipe said, he would know to put the shrimp in at the very last minute because shrimp (especially these very small shrimps with no shells or tails) cook EXTREMELY quickly and get overcooked easily… and thus it’s best to cook them gently on a simmer, and add them at the very end so you can keep a close eye. If a recipe told me to do BLAST them with a boil, I would reject that information and do it the way I know to, more gently...
OHHHHH… I guess not everyone knows that! 🤯
OOPS - this was my fault! First - I had sent him a semi-faulty recipe (I hadn't read it thoroughly before sending and realized too late that I mostly disagreed with the technique.) Upon closer inspection, there was another detail: the recipe called for JUMBO shrimp with tails on, whereas we were using small shrimp with no tails. I would have automatically adjusted for this size difference in the main ingredient, but my husband did not think (or know) to do this. 💡💡💡
HELLO: Learning Opportunity / Teaching Moment! An intuitive cooking instinct, identified!
This experience inspired me to want to write up a big old guide to making substitutions in recipes... but when I started to do that, I realized there is actually a TON of cooking knowledge that goes into knowing how, when, and where to make substitutions. This type of lesson really demands a video (or 10!), so I'm gonna have to leave you with this teaser for now, while I commit to making that soon! So for today, below are some factors to consider and questions to ask yourself when making substitutions in a recipe.
To preface this: in general my motto is YES - go for the substitution! One of the best ways to learn to cook more intuitively is through experimentation and substitutions are a great way to do that. Plus, I am always a fan of using up the ingredients that you already have. Sometimes you might even end up with a dish that’s MORE DELICIOUS than the original!
GPJ Factors to Consider when making substitutions in a recipe:
1. Who wrote this recipe and what do I know about their recipe-writing style?
- If I’m making a recipe to learn a new cooking technique OR it’s from someone I really trust and want to fully experience their creation, I’d probably avoid substitutions (at least the first time I’m making it) because I trust that they tested the recipe many ways and decided on this final, specific version for a good reason. *Small caveat that when baking, it’s generally best to follow the recipe as is.
2. Is this recipe for a type of dish that I already make often?
- If yes, you’ll probably get good results with substitutions because you have better instincts about the cooking technique.
- If not, and if you trust the author, probably safer to follow it closely (again, at least the first time you make it).
3. Are X (the original ingredient) and Y (the ingredient I want to substitute) in the same food categories?
- For example, are they both:
- vinegars?
- mustards?
- dairy products?
- ground meats?
- shrimp, but different sizes?
- boneless chicken breasts versus bone-on, skin-on thighs?
- If yes, it’s generally a safer bet to make the substitution.
- If not, be sure to consider the ingredient’s FUNCTION in the dish (is it a "main substance" ingredient, or a "flavoring" ingredient?) as well as question #4...
4. How does X ingredient compare to Y ingredient in terms of flavor, texture, and size/cooking time (if applicable)? Color is another factor to consider, depending how much you care about the aesthetics of your meal.
- Consider the qualities of the two different ingredients, and perhaps adjust other ingredients accordingly in your dish...
- Some examples:
- white wine vinegar (lighter, milder, more neutral) vs apple cider vinegar (also light, mild, a tiny bit sweet) vs balsamic vinegar (richer, sweeter, more distinct) ➡️ white wine vinegar and apple cider vinegar are a similar swap, whereas balsamic is a much more distinct flavor so would change the dish more - but that could still work depending on the dish!
- cream cheese (thicker, sweeter) vs greek yogurt (more tangy), in a dip, perhaps ➡️ could work well to swap these, depending on the other flavors in the dish and which one you prefer! Cream cheese could be thinned out with a little milk if you're looking for a more greek-yogurt thickness.
- medium tofu vs extra firm tofu ➡️ these have different textures/firmness: medium tofu will crumble/break down more, whereas extra firm will retain its shape. If you’re adding to a soup or noodle dish, this may not matter, whereas if you’re frying or roasting it, it may make a big difference in the end result.
- lean ground beef vs ground pork ➡️ pork is generally much fattier so you'll get more flavor but your dish might be more oily - depending on what you're making this could be good or bad! For example, pork would make a more tender meatball, but a more fatty stir-fry.
- boneless chicken breasts vs bone-on, skin-on thighs? ➡️ will cook at very different speeds, and may absorb flavorings better or worse depending on the cooking method. Dark meat, and with the bones, is harder to overcook, but takes much longer, and would do better in a stew or braise recipe, whereas chicken breasts would be better cooked on the grill.
I hope this helps you think about substitutions! Have you ever made a substitution that turned out either AMAZING, or horribly wrong? I'd love to hear about it and what you learned!! Hit reply and let me know :)
Cheers and happy Friday!
Love,
Jess
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All photos are taken by me and recipes written by me, unless otherwise noted.
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Hi, I'm Jess! I help health-conscious, busy people transform their cooking from chore to lifestyle through intuitive cooking, which I teach through online classes, free content, coaching and more. This is my newsletter, Food for Thought Fridays, where I share highly actionable tips and inspiration to help you cook more intuitively (which makes cooking feel easier and SO much more fun!). Once a month or more, I share a recipe that's really worth making, and I only share those with my email subscribers. Sometimes the text above may include affiliate links, meaning (at no additional cost to you) I get a commission if you click through and make a purchase. This helps me to continue to share free content, so I would love it if you buy through my link! Thank you for supporting Garlic Press Jess!
I currently work + live on land that is the unceded territory of the Ramaytush Ohlone. And I can't wait to eat at Cafe Ohlone when they reopen someday! Check out this article about them.
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